Love Me Or Lose Me
by Usearki
Summary: Jonouchi and Kaiba are 'friends with benefits', with less of the emphasis on 'friends'. Secretly they have feelings for each other, but will they be able to figure this out before it's too late? One shot.


**Disclaimer:** I do not own YuGiOh!. That pleasure belongs to Kazuki Takahashi. This is solely written for fun and not for profit.

**A/N** - I just want to make it clear that this story is rated **M**. This means, according to the ratings system used on this site, that it is not suitable for children or teens below the age of** 16** with possible strong but non-explicit adult themes, references to violence, and strong coarse language.

xo xo xo xo xo xo xo

Katsuya Jonouchi could not contain a groan as Seto Kaiba slammed into him again and again in a carnal dance as old as time itself. They had been fucking, for want of a better way to describe it, for several weeks now as a kind of 'friends with benefits' package, but with much less of the emphasis on 'friends'.

Jonouchi couldn't help but think about this relationship, if it could even be called that as fucked up as it was, despite the fact that he was being thoroughly fucked by Kaiba at the time. It had started, as these things do, after one of their many and varied fights. Kaiba had called him a useless mutt, Jou had responded by calling back that he'd rather be a useless mutt than a completely emotionless loser then had made to walk away. He didn't get very far because Kaiba, unable to let Jou ever get the last word, had caught up with him and forcefully slammed him into the wall, looming over and staring menacingly down at him. Jou had thought he'd seen a flicker of... something deep in those blue eyes and in that moment he was lost. Before he had time to register what he was doing, he had leaned up and kissed Kaiba square on the lips. Of course, once he'd realised that he really was kissing Kaiba he'd pulled back and cringed, expecting Kaiba to kill him or at least to beat him into a bloody pulp. Instead he was shocked when Kaiba had simply grabbed his arm and dragged him off to his limousine.

Everything had passed in a kind of blur after that until he'd found himself being dropped off near his home, plus a limp and minus his virginity – not that Kaiba had made any enquiry over whether he had been a virgin, if he would even have cared about the fact.

Since that fateful day, Jou had been regularly fucked by Kaiba whenever and wherever it took his fancy – in his office, in his limo, in his bed – well, when Mokuba wasn't around anyway. To start with, Jou had enjoyed it a lot, after all, what male teenager wouldn't enjoy having regular sex, especially with the person that they'd been nursing a crush on, but as time had gone by it had begun to feel more and more hollow and Jou had begun to despair as he realised that he needed something... more. He needed more than the lust and sexual gratification, the rush to completion and the temporary euphoria it would bring, especially when it only gave way to the bitter tinge of shame and disappointment afterwards. No, he needed closeness, to be cuddled and kissed. To be... dare he even think it... loved.

It had not escaped Jou's notice that they had never kissed even once since that very first time when he had risked everything and kissed Kaiba on the lips and he guessed that Kaiba simply didn't want things to get that... personal between them. Yes, lips did occasionally meet skin, but it wasn't the same and he longed to taste Kaiba again, more thoroughly this time, to gain some closeness, perhaps to even go as far as to cuddle together in the afterglow or to be able to talk to each other without fighting for once. He needed all of this like burning, but he knew that as long as he was with Kaiba like this he would never obtain it.

That thought had his breath hitching and his eyes burning and he fought desperately to get himself under control, but despite himself he looked up, trying and hoping to see if there was anything at all in Kaiba's expression that could give him even the smallest iota of hope. But his hopes were to be dashed as Kaiba's eyes remained firmly closed, no connection there or even possible. The devastation that this wrought in Jou's heart was far too much and to add on top of that he was suddenly mortified as he realised that he had... lost his erection. Jou knew in that moment that after tonight he could no longer let himself be used as Kaiba's fuck toy and he could hardly wait to get away.

He screwed his eyes closed and attempted to tamp his emotions down as he waited for Kaiba to finish. He knew that it would not take much longer as Kaiba's thrusts were becoming more intense and his breath was ragged. Then Kaiba stiffened and gave a small moan as he reached his release, rolling off Jou once he was done and heading straight for the bathroom. Jou did note that Kaiba had paused for a moment and he surmised that Kaiba had been surprised to discover that he had gone limp. Jou could only thank his lucky stars that Kaiba hadn't made some kind of snarky comment about it and instead had simply gone to clean up.

As soon as the bathroom door had closed behind Kaiba, Jou made his move, hurriedly leaving the bed and throwing his clothes on. He ran from the room as soon as he was dressed and within a couple of minutes he was leaving the mansion. He could not bear to stay there for a single moment longer.

Jonouchi had secretly carried a crush for the icy CEO for quite some time and since this little arrangement had begun he had come to care deeply for Kaiba despite the frosty coolness between them outside of the times they had sex. In fact Jou had fallen pretty damned hard for the other, but he knew now that pretending that Kaiba could ever care for him as anything other than a release valve for the stress of his busy life was utterly futile. No, he could not continue to live this lie, it wasn't worth the pain.

Jonouchi knew that it would hurt even more for a while, but it was past time to cut his losses, get over this... thing and move on.

He just hoped that he was strong enough.

xo xo xo xo xo xo xo

Seto Kaiba closed his eyes as he continued to fuck the person that the whole world believed that he hated – including the very person that he was fucking right now - something that could not be further from the truth.

In his mind's eye he was making love to the feisty blond below him, not just simply taking and using him. In his imagination Jonouchi was looking back at him with affection in his gaze, something that Kaiba was absolutely certain that he would never see in reality. He couldn't bring himself to look down at Jou, to see that this was nothing more than lust and sexual experimentation to him and he could not risk letting his own secret weakness be known. He was convinced that if Jou got any idea that Seto harboured some kind of feelings for him then he would mock him mercilessly and Seto could not give Jou that kind of power over him.

Yes, he supposed that there was always the tiny chance that he could be wrong, but there was no way that he could bring himself to take that kind of risk. As far as he was concerned the odds were stacked against him and he had far too much to lose. No, he would take what he could get and be grateful for it.

However, he couldn't help but imagine that Jou was looking at him with an adoring gaze instead of the look of contempt that was more normally sent in his direction. His breath hitched and a jolt went straight to his groin as he realised just how much he wanted this, how much he actually wanted Jou to l... care for him.

Still, in the here and now his passion was quickly reaching it's climax. He gave a few more impassioned thrusts then his end was upon him and he groaned aloud as he reached his release.

He knew that Jonouchi hadn't reached his own orgasm so, never let Jou say that he wasn't a courteous lover, he reached down to finish him off, only to stop short as he couldn't help but notice that Jou no longer had an erection.

Seto quickly schooled his features. It wouldn't do any good for Jou to realise that he was concerned and to say anything about the situation would likely only lead to an argument and recriminations, thus making it far more likely to cause whatever the problem had been to recur at a later date. Instead, he left the bed and adjourned to the bathroom without saying a word, both to dispose of the condom and to give Jou time to recover. He even gave Jou a minute or two longer to compose himself than he would normally have needed, but he was to be surprised when he finally returned to his bedroom to find the door open and that Jonouchi had fled.

OK, Seto had to admit that they were not prone to cuddling in the afterglow together, although that would have been nice, but despite that Jonouchi would usually hang around for a while afterwards to play a couple of games or even to get fed. However, they rarely ever spoke during that time. Any attempt at conversation usually went badly, as could only be expected from two people that supposedly hated the sight of each other. Still, Seto was concerned that whatever had upset Jonouchi this evening must have affected him quite badly, especially seeing as he'd felt that he'd had to run.

Donning his dressing gown, he crossed to the window to see if he could spot Jonouchi leaving and there he was, slouching down the drive, head bowed and hands in his pockets, the very picture of depression. Kaiba sighed and turned away once Jou was finally out of sight. He would have to give Jonouchi time to get over whatever it was that had him so upset and let him make the next move when he was ready.

He just hoped that he had the patience to hold out.

xo xo xo xo xo xo

Jou slouched his way into school the next day, still feeling pretty miserable over the fact that he'd had to run from Kaiba the day before. Overnight he had solidified his decision to not see Kaiba any more and he would end their 'arrangement' some time today, but Jou knew that he had to find a good time to tell him. He suspected that with Kaiba it would never be a good time, but he wouldn't chicken out. No, he had to do this.

The others noticed Jou's sombre mood and Yugi quite reasonably pointed out that if Jou didn't want to talk right now then that was fine and he was sure that Jou would come and tell them what was wrong when he was ready. However, Honda had other ideas.

When lunchtime came around, Honda waited for Jou to leave the classroom, then pulled him to one side, utterly determined to get to the bottom of whatever was bothering his pal.

"Jou, man," Honda started once they got to a place where they could be afforded at least a small amount of privacy, "what's the matter? You've got a face like a wet weekend and you've been moping around all morning."

"It's nothin' Hon'," Jou replied evasively, not able to look his friend in the eye.

"Bullshit!" Honda exclaimed in his usual eloquent way. "Now come on, what is it? Girl troubles?"

Jou sighed and shook his head. "You could say that," he confirmed.

"What the hell man?" Honda was surprised as he had only been joking when he'd mentioned girl troubles before. "I thought you were getting on really well."

"Obviously not that well," Jou said grumpily.

"What went wrong?" Honda asked in a more sympathetic tone.

Jou sighed again and looked up at the ceiling. "It's quite simple," he said. "I... fell in love and the sentiment definitely isn't returned." He looked at Honda. "I decided that I can't live a lie so I'm going to end it. Tonight."

"That seems sudden," Honda said, taken aback. "Is there no chance that you could work it out?"

"Not a chance in hell," Jou said with finality. "I'll get over it, but I gotta go think by myself for a while, you know?"

"Yeah, I know," Honda said, understanding his friend's mood. "But what should I tell the others? You know they'll want to know what's up."

"Tell them whatever," Jou said, waving a hand dismissively as he turned to leave. "It hardly matters now."

Honda watched with concern as his friend left. He was sure that Jou _would _get over it, but he couldn't help but feel sorry for him in the meantime as he knew all too well that unrequited love sucked. He turned to head back to the cafeteria and the rest of their friends. Once the others knew what was going on, Jou would get their full support and Honda was sure that he would need it.

xo xo xo xo xo xo

Seto Kaiba watched with little concern as Jou left the classroom and was dragged away by Honda. He had no worries that Jou was about to expose their relationship to Honda as Jou was quite insistent about not telling his friends about their little arrangement. Jou was probably quite correct when he said that they would never understand, especially as there was nothing other than sex between them.

He adjourned to the cafeteria, setting up at his usual table. However, he took a little more interest as Honda walked in - without Jou - and walked over to the table where the rest of Jou's friends were sitting.

"Where's Jonouchi?" Yugi was heard to ask.

"Ah, he's gone off to think for a bit," Honda said. "Turns out he's got girl trouble."

"What kind of trouble?" Otogi asked, "and how come we've never met this girl?" He sounded aggrieved that Jou had somehow managed to obtain a girlfriend and was probably already making plans to steal her away, something that made Kaiba smirk. If only he knew...

"Well, we're never likely to meet her now," Honda said, shaking his head. "He's going to split up with her." Kaiba froze as he heard this. Jou was so upset that he wanted to quit their... arrangement? But why?

"Oh, that's a shame," Ryou put in. "Why is he doing that?" Kaiba listened for the answer, silently thanking Ryou for asking the question he couldn't.

"Apparently, he loves her," Honda informed them. Those four words caused Kaiba to freeze where he was, shocked to the core.

"So what's the problem?" Yugi asked.

"He tells me that the sentiment isn't returned," Honda shook his head, "and you know Jou, he won't live a lie."

Everyone nodded. That was typical Jonouchi behaviour.

"Well, we'll be there for him, won't we guys?" Anzu said enthusiastically. "After all, what else are friends for?"

Seto tuned them out then, knowing that he had learned all that he could for the moment, but what he _had_ learned was quite shocking. Could it possibly be true? Had Jonouchi really been talking about him? Could Jou possibly... love him?

But what of his own feelings? He knew that he cared deeply for Jonouchi but could he call it love? And how could he get the message across without getting into an argument, as they were prone to do just about every time they spoke. He knew that his own reactions to Jonouchi were down to a form of defensiveness, a way to ensure that Jonouchi couldn't find out his feelings and use them to hurt him. Could Jonouchi's attitude towards him be due to the same thing?

Appetite now completely lost, he got up and left the cafeteria, leaving his uneaten lunch on the table. He was unwilling to listen to the rest of the friendship fusion prattling on about how they should support Jonouchi in his time of need. However, he couldn't help but smirk a little as he wondered what they would think if they knew just who Jou's 'girl troubles' were over. But then he put it out of his mind - he had a lot of thinking to do.

xo xo xo xo xo xo xo

Several hours passed and it was now the end of the school day. Kaiba had spent an interminable afternoon staring at the back of Jonouchi's head and he was still none the wiser as to what he was going to do with regards to their situation. Well, apart from taking Jou somewhere private to try and talk to him.

He packed his things away, then walked out of the classroom and down the corridor. He spotted Jou putting his books into his locker as he made ready to leave for the day and Seto decided that now was the time to put his plan, such as it was, into action.

"Jonouchi," Kaiba said shortly as he came up behind the other, noting that Jou tensed as he did so. "I wish to speak with you," he looked around, "in private."

Jou sagged slightly, turning his head and looking up at Kaiba tiredly. "Sure," he said with a shrug, turning back to finish putting his books away. "I needed to talk to you anyway."

As Jou said this, Kaiba's heart plummeted. Jou really was going to try and break up with him, but he wouldn't, couldn't let him. He grabbed Jou's arm as soon as he'd closed his locker door and hauled him off towards his waiting limousine. Jou had given a token protest, but Kaiba could tell that Jou's heart wasn't really in it and he was only going through the motions for the sake of appearances. As soon as they reached the limo, Kaiba pushed Jou inside, climbed in after him, closed the door and raised the privacy screen.

They sat opposite each other in silence for several long moments, looking at each other warily, neither of them seeming to know what to say or how to start. Then Kaiba watched with trepidation as Jou began to gather himself to speak. He knew that if Jou opened his mouth then it was likely that they would descend into argument and all would be lost, but how could he possibly get his message across without speaking?

Suddenly, it came to him. It was risky, but then it was this or potentially lose everything. He moved suddenly, kneeling in the foot-well between the seats and leaning over Jonouchi, gazing deeply into his eyes. It was now or never.

Jou looked up in alarm as Kaiba moved towards him. Surely he didn't want to do it _now_? As much as the idea appealed to him on a base level, he had already decided that he could not do this to himself any more. He made to speak, to protest, but he only got as far as the first syllable of Kaiba's name before he was stopped by a warm pair of lips gently covering his own.

Jou froze for a moment at the unexpected contact, then for another moment he tensed, getting ready to push Kaiba away, but then his mind caught up with what was occurring and he couldn't help but melt into the embrace. The kiss was everything he had ever wanted, unexpectedly tender and warm, as if Kaiba were trying to communicate something without using words.

Jou couldn't stop his hands snaking up to tangle in Kaiba's hair as he realised that Kaiba was telling him what he'd most wanted to hear in the only possible way that it could be communicated between them at this point in time. That he actually did feel something beyond the carnal lust that they had shared up until this point, that he wanted something... more.

It could have been hours, but it was probably less than a minute later that Kaiba pulled away, leaving both of them panting softly from the emotion of the moment.

"Kaiba..." Jou began again, only to be cut off by the presence of one of Kaiba's fingers pressing gently against his lips.

"In the circumstances," Kaiba began uncharacteristically hesitantly, "you can call me Seto." He paused and flicked Jou an insecure look. "That is... if you want to."

Jou's heart melted at Seto's obvious fear over what he might say, showing that underneath the icy exterior there was a normal teenager lurking, along with the associated worries and insecurities. Seto had taken a risk and left himself wide open for Jou to shoot him down, but Jou couldn't do something like that. He gave Seto a reassuring smile, "Yeah, I think I'd like that." He paused. "Um..."

"What is it?" Seto asked, worried over what Jou might say.

"Could you... kiss me like that again?" Jou asked hesitantly, then he paused and looked down. "That is... if you want to."

Seto didn't say anything, but gently placed his hand on Jou's cheek, raising Jou's gaze to meet his own as he leaned forwards and kissed him tenderly once again.

He could get used to this.

xo xo xo xo xo xo xo

"Yugi!" Anzu exclaimed as she raced towards the small group of friends, "I just saw Kaiba dragging Jonouchi off to his limo!"

"What!" Honda exclaimed. "God damn it, can't he ever leave Jou alone? If he's hurt him, I'll..." He didn't finish the sentence, but made an inarticulate noise and ran off in the direction of the school entrance.

"Wait Honda!" Yugi yelled as Honda raced away, but it was to no avail as Honda carried on as if he had not heard a thing.

Honda saw that Kaiba's limo was still in the car park and he made a bee-line for it. He stopped dead once he reached it, wondering what was going on in there. He listened for a moment, but couldn't hear anything then his concern for Jou got the better of him and he reached for the door handle, expecting it to be locked, but he started when he realised that it was actually opening. He looked inside, expecting to see Jou and Kaiba trying to beat the living daylights out of each other, but instead stopped dead in shock, hardly able to believe his eyes.

Kaiba was kissing Jou... and Jou wasn't fighting it. In fact, it looked as though they were both thoroughly enjoying it.

"What the hell, man!" Honda exclaimed after a moment, stepping backwards in shock and confusion at the scene before him.

Kaiba looked up at the intrusion and glared at Honda as Jou buried his face in his shoulder and shook. "Do you mind?" he asked imperiously, reaching out and grabbing the door handle to pull the door closed. Honda didn't interfere and just stood there dumbfounded until the click of the lock being engaged brought him back to his senses. That caused him to realise something that Jou had omitted from their conversation earlier that day.

"Jou never said he had a _girl_friend!" He exclaimed aloud, causing a few passing pupils to give him odd looks. He ignored them and stared after the car as it moved away. He didn't know what the hell Jou was thinking, but he knew that he would have to wait at least until tomorrow to get some answers.

Honda sighed as he turned to walk back to the others. He supposed that as long as Jou was happy... But with _Kaiba_?

"God damn it, I need some brain bleach!"

xo xo xo xo xo xo xo

Once Seto had closed and locked the door, he reached over to the intercom. "Drive," he commanded, knowing that he would be obeyed instantly. Once the car was moving he turned his attention back to Jonouchi, worried over his reaction to being caught by Honda. "Jou... are you alright?"

"Oh man, did you see Honda's face?" Jou laughed as he pulled away from Seto's shoulder. "I thought he was going to faint!"

"You're not upset?" Seto asked in wonder, having been certain that Jou was going to be distressed over it.

"Nah," Jou shook his head. "Hon'll be cool once he's thought about it a bit. After all, it's not like I ever specified the gender of the person I was seeing." He smirked. "Honda just assumed I was talking about a girl and I wasn't about to correct him."

Seto smiled, amused by Jou's subterfuge then he reached out once again caressed Jou's face, smiling as Jou nuzzled into his hand. "Will you come home with me?" Seto asked. "We have a lot to talk about."

"Yeah, we do don't we," Jou said with a smile of his own. "I never thought I'd say this, but I'll be happy to come."

Seto instructed the driver to take them home, then kissed Jou again. He never thought that he would ever be able to get enough of that simple embrace.

Their problems hadn't magically disappeared and they both knew that it wouldn't be easy, but at least they had given themselves a fighting chance, which was more than could have been said a couple of hours ago.

Now they just had to make it work, but they both intended to give it their best shot.

The End.

xo xo xo xo xo xo xo

**A/N**- Yeah, I know I should be getting on with some of the other stuff I've got on the go, but the plot bunny for this one bit me sometime last week and I wanted to get it written and posted whilst I still had the enthusiasm for it.

It's the shortest thing I've written in a very long time, but that's not a bad thing. It's nice to write something short for a change. ^_^


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